What's your prego personality???

One of the most frustrating parts of being pregnant is the lack of clothing choices. I remember a time walking through the mall, baby-free and seeing maternity everywhere. Old Navy, which I suspected would be my saving grace, has even shifted their maternity operation to one store about an hour away.

After dragging Mike around to three stores in three very different locations last week, looking for something decent to wear to the office, I had a mild-breakdown. I decided the world wants me to conform to either a pregnant prostitute, a 1960's flower child, or a bag lady.

For the Hoochie-Mama's out there:
Don't be alarmed when you discover there's a 'bun in the oven', Burlington Coat Factory has your back. For all those club going, over-weight, sexified mamas-to-be, Burlington offers an array of polyesters, to highlight your every-roll. If it covers your bump, get a smaller size. Shirts that read 'Hot Mama', 'The Magic Ticket', and my personal favorite 'Whose Your Daddy?' cover the small, three rack, department.

For the Dead Heads:
Free love is more than an excuse to join Team Prego and Kohls and Target are here to accommodate you over and over again. Issac Mizrahi wasn't allowed near this department. Instead, Martha Stewart and Liz Lange teamed up, cut some holes in Martha's oh so lovely shower curtains, added a shoe lace to highlight the under-bump, and congratulations welcome to maternity. If you like to walk around with flowy, flower patterns that make 'magic eye' less painful, you are good to go.

Octo-Mom even has a place in this world:
Motherhood Maternity. Thank you Heidi Klum for creating a line of clothes that are unaffordable to the average woman UNLESS you plan to make good use of them. One kid...buyer beware. Eight...now you've got a bargain. If you're a baby making factory, it's no big deal spending $40 on one pair of frumpy pants only available in S-M-L-XL (and I promise you will find yourself in between two sizes), resulting in an awkward bunching of fabric right near the crotch. Very, very, sexy.

For the Average Mom:
I'm sorry, you're simply out of luck. Use your imagination and collect the best each tragic store has to offer. Online is tough; after trying on endless pairs of maternity pants, I have discovered that I might be a medium, or, I might be a large, or, neither. Don't believe it will consistent in one store either...it isn't. I advise every woman working in an office and with a somewhat social life to invest in the following:

-One pair of jeans from Target (You'll now which ones because there is only one choice in one wash). However, they are comfy and no one would guess they're maternity...as long as you don't combine them with a top from Burlington Coat Factory.

-One pair of black dress pants from Target (Once again...only one pair to choose from).

-JC Penney offers pretty good deals on work pants (typically on sale for $19.99). The waist band is a bit bizarre and you may find yourself in between sizes, but work with what ya got.

-Shirts have been random finds. At this point in time I have bought multiples of three different shirts. I prefer to not look homeless or like I'm off to Woodstock.

-Burlington Coat Factory's clearance rack is good for yoga pants to bum around the house in. If you find something presentable, the prices are very reasonable...it's always worth a shot.

So far, that's really the extent of my closet. I still hit up consignment stores in hopes of finding an octo-mom jackpot. So far, I haven't struck gold. I desperately miss my Old Navy jeans and pray this baby weight comes off semi-quickly so I can squeeze into them again. Until then, I'm adapting to a world of stretch waistbands and empire tops.