"It can't hurt to TRY..."

After the endless hours of psychotically cleaning, crying then coping with the concept of the "c-section pooch", reading anything I could get my hands on, packing my bag, and making my home 'surgery friendly', Ben is not here. Although I was frustrated at the time, and looked at the doctor like she had two heads, I know this is for the best.

I was told I was absolutely going to need a c-section- not by one, but at least three different doctors. I was informed that after 34 weeks, if the placenta hadn’t moved away from the cervix, it wasn’t going anywhere...WRONG! Right before my amnio to confirm that his lungs were developed enough for delivery, we decided to do one last ultrasound...primarily to make me feel better. A doctor and a tech confirmed that my placenta is still low lying, but has shifted off to the side leaving JUST enough room for this baby to squeeze on by, or so I hope.

In the words of the glorious doctor whom I had met for the first time- "It can't hurt to try a vaginal delivery." Who the hell is she kidding? Now I know after watching thousands of birthing videos on you tube, after spending two nights in the hospital listening to the screams of women in labor, and after the gazillion stories I have heard from total strangers waiting in line at Walgreens that it hurts...A LOT! Episiotomies, tears, blood, stretching...yeah, I think I'll be a little pissed if they tell me I still need a c-section after an attempt at a traditional labor.

My doctor is on vacation this week, and when I asked the dink who is covering for him exactly how far my placenta had moved, she said "They won't attempt unless it is greater than 2 cm away". Ok, so I ask how far mine is "greater than 2cm away." Ok, are we talking 2.1 cm, 4 cm..."It doesn't specify". My Lord, do they know how to calm down an irrational pregnant woman.

To further enhance my frustration, the statistics were so, so in my favor. I knew that I would be having this baby on August 31. I was still in the comfort zone of weight, right around 30lbs. So what did I decide to do? Well, after months of watching what I ate, bypassing cravings, walking a few miles a day (until I was bed-rested)? I hit up every Mickey D's on the east coast for that snack size, heavenly, scrumptious, Reese's McFlurry. Let me tell you...my second chin will confirm this.

So now I sit here bouncing on a medicine ball, a bottle of hot sauce in my lap, praying to Jesus that Benjamin will grace this world prior to my due date. Although I know nothing about a traditional labor, I am confident that I can and will successfully push this child out of me. Even though the internal ultrasound penis like probe, condom and all hurt like a bitch the other day, I know I can push out a watermelon, lol. AHHHHHHHH! Life is not very predictable.

Here's to hoping...

In just about one week I will 'officially' be a mother...that is assuming nothing changes. I was admitted into the hospital for a second time due to light bleeding. Nothing alarming, especially since everything went well after the first bleed. To be honest, we almost didn't go into the emergency room, but we opted to be safe...just in case.

When the on-call doctor returned my call, I explained the situation and that I have a previa. I told her that I wasn't particularly concerned, she didn't seem too alarmed either. I was told to just come in for an hour or so to monitor the baby. Well..they didn't let me leave. It actually had nothing to do with bleeding. Apparently, I had a contraction and the baby didn't respond well to it. I don't recall having a contraction, but I guess it happened. I would like to give a shout out to my son for messing with the monitor ten minutes before I was to be released. Thank you Benjamin.

For the rest of the glorious evening, I was attached to a monitor by some nipple like device gouging into my stomach. Every hour a nurse had to come in and readjust it for me...wonderful for beauty sleep. Eventually, the next morning they did free me. THANK GOODNESS!!! I cannot imagine being on hospital bed rest; the idea of playing in traffic seems much more appealing. I told the nurse that if they came to the 'bed rest' conclusion they might as well send me to the psych ward over at the medical school. At least they'd let me color over there.

At about 8 am today, I heard a scream. The type of scream you imagine can only be projected when you have been picked up by a serial killer who is about to mutilate you, as you step on an underground hornet nest, and see Ron Jeremy naked in the distance. My doctor just so happened to walk in at that moment. Now my doctor is not a 'talker' nor does he show any interest in you other than the desire to safely deliver your child and move on with his life...I'm okay with that. I looked over at him, cringing, and said "is she in labor?". He obviously responded yes. I looked over at my husband and geeked out. "Holy shit," I said, "It really sounds like that?". The doctor sort of laughed. "Are you messing with me doc? Is someone blasting an episode of ER on the tv somewhere?" He really laughed and then closed the door to block the sound. Mike said it was to prevent scaring me, I know it was out of fear of the woman hearing my sickening laughter. I glanced over to the doctor one more time and said "Well....here's to c-sections."

So as it stands, I am volunteering to go on home bed rest as of Thursday. Every time I'm admitted into the hospital I hallucinate dollar signs...my insurance isn't as great as i'd like. That leaves me with just a few days until the c-section...woo hoo. Am I scared? ABSOLUTELY. Has the the concept of parenthood hit me yet? NOT AT ALL. I know it's all going to work out though.

I have one more ultrasound to see if anything has changed with the placenta. I've finally accepted the complications and the plan. I honestly cannot take any more changes.So here's to hoping! Not to mention the woman in the hospital scared the crap out of me. I told Mike that if surgery wasn't already scheduled, I would have been sitting in a puddle on the bed.